No Running In The Library
by Molkite
Summary: Very AU and OOC. Garak and Julian visit an old library from the 21st Century. Lots of fun follows them! No slash just pure humor! Based on my own experiences.
1. Chapter 1

Garak stood in the doorway to the library and stared in open mouthed awe. He had never seen a building so beautiful, carved so perfectly. Julian tugged the arm of his tunic breaking his trance. Julian was showing Garak some of the historical aspects of Earth.

"We're only in the entrance. I think we really should do inside." Garak nodded and followed him inside.

"Wow! I don't think I have ever seen such magnificent architecture!"

Julian clapped his hand over Garak's mouth and waited for his voice to stop reverberating round the high ceilings and long corridors. Many of the aliens who had been browsing stopped and stared at the odd pair.

An older human lady bustled over, with a finger over her lips gave them a very loud 'shhhhhh' and then shuffled back to the counter backing old books.

"You have to whisper Garak." Julian added pointing to a 'silence is golden' poster on the wall.

"Well thank you for enlightening me Doctor, tell me is there anything else I should know?"

"Yes. If you pick up a book make sure you put is back _exactly _where you got it from. They can be rather-"

"Anal?"

Julian shrank as Garak's most unfortunate choice of words reverberated around the library again. He grabbed Garak and dragged him to where the books were stacked. He marvelled at the amount of books there were stacked high, he had obviously seen paper books before, but never on this scale.

Garak halted in front of the 'history of clothing' section. Julian had to brace himself against one of the shelves to stop himself falling over the Cardassian. "Excuse me, personal space Doctor." Garak waved the doctor away selecting a book and flipping through the pages.

Julian resigned his friend as lost to the books and headed for the medical section, although there was a lot to see he still found himself drawn to the old medical journals.

Hours passed when Julian realised what the time was, cursing he slammed the book he had been reading closed and replaced it on the shelf. When he returned to where he had left Garak he realised he had gone, it wasn't surprising really, but when Julian checked the rest of the sections he realised he wasn't there either.

Julian approached the clerk who had initially shushed them and asked meekly, "Have you seen a broad grey Cardass-"

"In there."

She raised an eyebrow and pointed to the door that led to the silent study area. Immediately Julian cringed, what was he up to?

The door creaked as he opened it and a few of the aliens scattered at study desks looked up with disgust, but most were too engrossed in their books to notice. Julian looked around carefully, he couldn't see a Cardassian but he did notice a large stack of books at the back of the room. Approaching the large stack of books he noticed Garak was sat behind them engrossed in a design book from the 1920s, he was so engrossed he didn't notice Julian sitting in the spare seat next to him.

"Ah!"

Garak sent half the stack of books flying, startled at Julian's sudden appearance. Aliens around the room groaned and tutted but the two were obscured from view by the stack of books Garak hadn't knocked over.

"Garak are you planning on reading this entire collection? You must have at least fifty books here?"

"My dear Doctor this is a quiet study room… please."

Garak picked up the book again and studied the clothing designs.

"Garak, there is more to see here than books. You can get this information back on the station."

Garak didn't answer and continued to read the book, Julian felt frustrated and slammed it closed on his fingers. Garak didn't shout or cry out in pain, he bit his bottom lip and swatted Julian across the back of the head with the book.

The old librarian bustled in and approached them, "I'm afraid you're going to have to leave if you can't quieten down."

"Sorry." They offered in unison.

"Come on Garak let's get these put back."

Julian tried to lift the remaining pile of books but found they were too heavy. Smugly Garak lent back in his chair and folded his arms. Julian let the pile drop on the floor, the librarian who had only made it to the doorway bustled back and grabbed the scruff of Julian's shirt.

"Come with me." She grabbed the back of Garak's tunic and pulled him to his feet, she was surprisingly strong for an elderly lady. She pulled them through the library and deposited them on the street. Julian was fuming and watched Garak stand up and brush himself down.

"Well that was most interesting, where are we going next?"


	2. The Art Gallery

**Based on a visit to the Leeds art gallery. Most of the items listed are there, some are artistic license. **

After being moved on from the library Julian decided to take Garak to a art gallery, also set in 21st century style. His philosophy was, what could possibly happen in a gallery? He hadn't really considered Murphy's Law.

"Garak, you have to be quiet in here. That doesn't mean silence, but you can't shout."

Garak nodded his agreement almost as though he was scared to open his mouth, and followed Julian inside. The first room they entered was one with paintings and portraits lining the walls. At first Garak didn't understand what they were, but after a brief explanation he understood what portraits were.

Julian became lost in the art work, Garak became immediately bored and sought entertainment on the other side of the circular room. There was a couple, arm in arm looking up at a portrait of a fruit bowl. Garak curiously moved to stand next to them, the portrait must have been brilliant because they seemed fascinated. Trying to fit in, Garak stood close to them, stroking his chin and folding his arms. He emitted a random hmm and mmm every so often. The couple turned to him surprised and hurried away. Garak sighed, he just couldn't understand a lot of human customs.

"Garak, I think you really offended those people. What did you do?"

"I just, acted like everyone else." And so Garak showed him.

"Garak, most people do not like being mimicked, much less having their personal space invaded."

"But I just wanted to…"

"Never mind Garak, come on. Let's go see the sculptures."

Garak immediately drew his phaser and stood round the corner of the doorframe, dragging Julian back out of the sculpture room. "Julian don't panic but I think there's an alien in there…"

"What are you talking about?" Julian shook off Garak's tight grip and strode into the room, standing beside a rather large sculpture, it was just a large cube covered in some sort of sheepskin fabric. He patted it and laughed quietly. "It's just a sculpture."

"Oh, my mistake doctor." He pocketed his phaser and coolly strolled into the room, keeping a safe distance from the furry sculpture. It was beyond him how someone could consider this art.

Julian again became engrossed looking at a large sculpture of a radiator. Garak huffed and strolled around the room. It was empty apart from the large fuzzy cube, the radiator and a strange looking vase positioned in the far corner. Bored Garak approached it, maybe it would be more interesting that his Doctor friend.

The vase was boring, it just looked like a plain black vase. Garak was sure he'd seen one back on Deep Space Nine. He poked it, and immediately regretted doing so.

The vase began to teeter comically on it's stand, Garak hoped it would calm on its own but it didn't, instead it began to wobble and almost rotate on the small table that held it. Garak glanced at Julian who had his back to him, and with the 'no shouting' rule he couldn't grab his attention. Garak flustered around the vase and prayed it wouldn't fall. It wobbled off of the table and hurtled towards the ground.

Garak reached out and caught it on the end of his foot.

"Garak what the hell are you doing? Are you mad? This is a piece of art not a foot accessory." Julian swiped the vase off of Garak's foot and replaced it, wiping his prints off the varnished surface. He grumped and dragged Garak into an adjoining room, the couple from the art room had just started to examine the large fuzzy sculpture.

"Okay Garak, this is a very very very old painting. It's an original, that's why it's in a darkened room."

Garak looked around the room was indeed dark, and there was one sole painting hung in the centre of the room. "Why is this portrait so special?"

"Garak don't get too close!" Julian caught Garak just as he was about to set the trip wire off that triggered the galleries alarms. "You see those wires? They're there for a reason, to stop people getting close to the paintings."

"I see…"

Julian stood for a long while looking at the painting. Garak grew bored after five minutes, he didn't understand human art, and certainly not a painting that displayed only a bowl of fruit. Bored he walked around Julian, hoping if he annoyed him enough they would leave, maybe go for a coffee, Garak had an addiction to macchiato that had developed since their visit to the galleries and libraries of earth.

"If you look close you can see the brush strokes, it's brilliant."

Garak took Julian's words literally and moved up close to the painting, he pressed his nose so close to the painting that alarms suddenly sounded and a large cage fell from the roof trapping him.

"Garak! You triggered the anti theft device… What did I say about getting too close?"

"But you said if I looked closely I would see the brush strokes?"

A burley security guard advanced on the cage holding his baton ready. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you two to leave."

**Finis**


End file.
